Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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