tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
