so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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