So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
