i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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