just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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