I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
