Duck Duck Cougar?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
