just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
