we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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