Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I puked a lego.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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