so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
