So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
