i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
