Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
