He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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