ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
