You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
