guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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