come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
