he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize