Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
