is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
