if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
