Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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