I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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