I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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