If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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