I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
