i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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