A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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