Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
