do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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