if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
