I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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