Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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