Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She bit a glass in half.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
