i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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