Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
