he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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