Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sponge bath it is.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
