Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize