he thought i was a dude.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
