Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you win again, gameday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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