I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
