She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we're so committed to being not committed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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