i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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