I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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