I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
