Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
