Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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