The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
