Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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