I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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