I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
