I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
