There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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