His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
