Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
