You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
